Friday, October 27, 2006


All through life it seems there are milestones that we strive to achieve. When we were babies it was crawling, walking and then talking. As we got older we finally got to go to school. Once we were in school, school itself was full of goals for us to strive toward. What is beginning to bug me is now is that I don't have anything like that any more that I can actually control.

Right now I look at my life and while things are good around me, I'm not happy. At times I'm content, and during certain get togethers and such I'm momentarily happy, but not happy in general. I need something to be working toward that I can actually measure progress on and see my achievements. My real goal right now is to find "the one" and be able to settle down, have a family, etc. The problem is that I can't really control any of the steps toward that goal. I can try and try, but I never know if I'm getting closer, farther or just treading water (which is what I feel like I've been doing for years).

Because of this turmoil, I've been contemplating all sorts of potential changes to try to get where I want to be. Part of me wonders if it's time to leave Dot Foods behind and find a job either closer to Jacksonville or perhaps in another area altogether. There are things that I want to do, but don't want to do until some of the entropy in my life is abated. For example, I would like to buy a house of my own instead of renting so that I could work on the house as I please, but I don't want to tie myself to an area until I'm married and know I'm where I should be.

Ok so for those of you that made it this far, thank you. I've thrown my open questions out into the ether and now once again I wait for God to give me just a little clue.

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