Thursday, December 20, 2007

'tis the season...

for a repost!

Christmas Lyrical Thought

Genesis Take Two

Genesis Take Two

1. In the beginning GOD created the Bit and the Byte. And from
those he created the Word.

2. And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed.
And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was

3. And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened.
And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places.
And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.

4. And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place
to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.
Thus God created computers and called them hardware.

5. And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small
and big... And told them - Go and multiply yourselves and fill
all the Memory.

6. And God said -I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer
will make new programs and govern over the computers and
programs and Data.

7. And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center;
And God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said
You can use all the volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE

8. And God said - It is not Good for the programmer to be alone.
He took a bone from the Programmer's body and created a
creature that would look up at the Programmer; and admire
the Programmer; and love the things the Programmer does;
And God called the creature: the User.

9. And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS
and it was Good.

10. But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God.
And Bill said to the User - Did God really tell you not to
run any programs ?

11. And the User answered - God told us that we can use every
program and every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows
or we will die.

12. And Bill said to the User - How can you talk about something
you did not even try. The moment you run Windows you will
become equal to God. You will be able to create anything you
like by a simple click of your mouse.

13. And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and
easier to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless
- since Windows could replace it.

14. So the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to
the Programmers that it was good.

15. And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers.
And God asked him - What are you looking for? And the
Programmer answered - I am looking for new drivers because I
can not find them in the DOS. And God said - Who told you need
drivers? Did you run Windows?
And the Programmer said - It was Bill who told us to !

16. And God said to Bill - Because of what you did you will be hated
by all the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you.
And you will always sell Windows.

17. And God said to the User - Because of what you did, the Windows
will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will
have to use lousy programs; and you will always rely on the
Programmers help.

18. And God said to the Programmer - Because you listened to the
User you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors
and you will have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.

19. And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door
and secured it with a password.


Tuesday, December 18, 2007


To all my Democrat friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

To all my Republican friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Friday, December 14, 2007

Mighty Mouse

Apparently geneticists have found that they can genetically alter mice so that they don't have fear. I sure hope that they still fear de-con. Read the Article

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Toilet Seats

Ok so yesterday morning I had the not so fun experience of my toilet seat developing a crack. Stop laughing! It seriously is a pain in the behind. That being said I went to Home Depot last night in search of a toilet seat. Believe it or not... they had tons of toliet seats in stock, but none of the plain old toilet seats for your average home toilet. I then went to Wal-Mart and was faced with the same selection and the same lack of stock in regular seats. Has there been a mad rush on toilet seats in Jacksonville this week because of the ice storm? Tonight I'm going to Springfield for something else, so I guess I'll stop there and see if the mad rush has hit them too.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Top Ten Politically Correct Christmas Carols

10. O Holiday Tree

9. Have Yourself a Merry Little Day of Winter

8. Frosty the Snowperson

7. Chestnuts Roasting on a Safely Contained, Continuously Monitored, Eco-friendly, Nontoxic Outdoor Fire (for which I do Have a Permit)

6. Higher Power Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

5. Grandma Allegedly Got Run Over By an Unidentified Non-Human Perpetrator

4. Deck the Halls with Boughs of Unendangered foliage (If Office Policy Permits)

3. Hark! The Herald Mythical Winged Creature Sings

2. I Saw Mommy Greeting Santa Claus with a Purely Platonic Expression of Inoffensive Mutual Affection

1. I'll Be Home for a Short Period of Time in December

Wednesday, December 5, 2007