Saturday, May 13, 2006

Life Goes On...

I just got off the phone with a good friend of mine that was on her way to my college girlfriend's baby shower. It's got me thinking. In 5 days it will be 4 years since my graducation from college. At that point in my life I had a new job, a beautiful fiance and a world to conquer. Four years later I still have the job and it's been very good, but beyond that I feel like I've basically just been treading water for four years with the occasional near drowning.

I'm ready to move on to the next big thing in my life. In my mind that is finding a loving woman, getting married and having a family. Unfortunately I've not had any luck in finding a woman to love in a very long time. Eight years ago as a Senior in High School, that wouldn't have mattered to me. I was happy being alone. College, college friends and most importantly Katie changed all of that while I was at Truman. They combined to break down my masks and shells to prove to me that I needed people and people needed me. Unfortunately a necessary side effect has been that my heart is now much less guarded and in some ways requires more.

I'm no longer content being alone and just working all of the time. Somewhere out there I imagine that God has a woman waiting and probably thinking the same things. Like the Apostles in Jesus Christ Superstar, I just want to ask "What's the buzz, tell me what's a happening". Sometimes I feel like Sam Beckett in Quantum Leap in that I want to know what I'm here to do at this moment. Unlike Sam I don't have a hologram and a super computer to give me odds on what it is. Instead I just have to try to figure it out on my own.

So again I just wonder aloud. When will it be my turn?

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